The Introvert

Dear God,


Hello! 2014 is just a few sleeps away. You know very well how my year went, right? I had a very rough start of 2013, but in the end, everything fell into awesomeness.


Father, I would like to thank You for all the blessings I have received throughout the year. Shall I enumerate them all? I graduated second best to our class, passed in the finest universities of my country, (UP, PUP, UST) and even got the chance to study in one of it, in sintang paaralan. I even passed my Math subject in the first semester. (You know how much I suck in Mathematics.) I met a lot of new people, people meant to pass and people meant to stay. I have been accepted to my dream journalism org. I learned to commute finally, too. And most of all, I met the guy who breathed life into my heart, brought me out of the shell, and made me want to be better.


Father, he's the world's coolest introvert, ever. I knew him via online, chatted for a while, and yeah, we have gotten to know each other a little too well. He's a graduating student of the university I'm studying at. He has a good heart, high hopes, interesting personality, and not to mention a good voice. He's amazing. He made me conquer fear in my heart, he made me open up. You know very much how hurt am I, right? You were there. But this man, wow. The Gift's line suits what I intend to tell, "You saved my heart from being broken apart. You gave your love away, and I am thankful everyday for the gift.."


Times are sometimes difficult for us. It's hard to be the one who always stays, and waits, right? He had hurt me; made me worry to the point of dying a thousand deaths; made me wait and almost let me go because of his insufficiencies and fears. We have our ups and downs, but I swear, I will never give up this man. God, I know I am not perfect and neither is he. I know I've made a lot of mistakes, but I do know that meeting him and feeling this is not part of it. I may not be his first, but I'm hoping I can be his last because surely, what I am feeling as of this moment is probably the most beautiful; best.


Please, grant me this chance. If You will let me, I promise, I will never hurt him. I will cherish him as much as I cherish myself. Let us have this chance, God.


Because Father, I love him. I really do. I can't unlove him and I don't want to unlove Kristian.


I am bound to him..


-----

To the introvert who holds my heart,


Hey, baby, how's everything? I haven't talked you pretty much lately.


I miss the long talks. Remember those hours of conversation? We'd even lose hours of sleep just to keep in touch. I miss the morning texts and late goodnight messages. I miss everything. I miss your voice. I miss your noisiness about us. I miss you, baby.. Geez, believe it or not, I am smiling as I type..


To tell you the truth, I was afraid. I was philophobic. I hated love. I hated men. I evaded every guy. I trusted only a few aside from my father. In spite of these, I felt perfectly fine depending and needing no one and nothing; attached to no one and nothing. Not until I knew you -- my only exception.


Sometimes, things are rough. It's hard to be always waiting for you, because I don't like waiting. It's hard to miss you and not knowing what to do. It's hard that you are out of my reach. I always die a thousand deaths whenever you don't talk to me. Some stuffs are hard for me, baby, because you know very well that I am an introvert too. But for you, my only exception, I tried and I will try. This is love, dear. You overlook his flaws because he means the world to you, and with all these flaws, you're gonna stay. No matter what, no matter how hard things will be.


If only you knew..


I want to be the girl who could always brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own. Is my smile still enough? I hope so.

I want to be the one you can pour your heart to whenever you're hurting, whenever you're sad, whenever life throws you reasons to frown. Whenever you need me, whenever you want to..

I want to be the one who hugs you when you are cold..

I want to be the girl you can talk to about everything.

I want to be the girl you would watch a movie with. Horror films, baby.

I want to hear you sing, always. Your voice sounds better than all my favorite songs put together. Have I told you that yet?

I want to be the girl you always tell things first, because it's the main indicator of love, right? You want them the first to know.

I want to be the girl you include in your dreams; the girl you take with you as you make your future.

I want to take care of you. I want to love you. With all my heart.

I want to stick around..


I'm thankful that He put you into my life. I will always be grateful for that. You are always in my prayers, dear. Hoping to be with you this January..


From the bottom of my hypothalamus, the seat of my emotions: I love you, Irving Kristian. Mahal na mahal kita.

Unconditionally.
Selflessly.
Always.

- J x

Please take a risk with me.

Pselaphao and Eido

I have lain awake for several nights, I stood up and I pulled out a book from the ledge over my bed. It was an old book I haven't read yet and I was clueless how it came up there. It has no covering for me to know its title and author. I flicked through each pages wanting to find something worthy of note to read. Then I traversed upon two highlighted words, "pselaphao" and "eido". These are two thought-provoking Greek words which have something to do with touch, sight and feeling. Pselaphao as what the book defined it, means to intentionally feel, handle or touch. It is just like getting hold of and running one's hands all over something just merely to look into for the purpose of learning its parts, make-up and substance.

Pselaphao can be compared to people who get along with people for the purpose of only knowing them rather than molding, enlightening, uplifting them or helping them during tough times. Eido on the other hand means to see, but not as in a casual sight. Unlike the first, it goes much further, more to seeing with our minds in order to achieve an abysmal realization and understanding of something. Eido can be likened to those people who reach people to understand and learn them with empathy. It's just like not physically seeing or feeling people, but in a very real denotation reaching out and touching their lives through other ways or medium.

Sometimes we tend to figure out something by actually feeling its presence and looking at with it at close range. But can we understand something or somebody without actually seeing them? We can make connections to anybody without necessarily getting too close or feel their presence especially this high technology epoch, we can reach and make connections with people through different channels. What is important is that we are able to know the vital needs of others and encourage and influence them in good faith. People have the universal need to be important, to have someone who thinks well of them. Every last one of us longs for love and attention. To be significant. It is a stark reality that there are a lot of people who feels unforgotten and unloved or think that life is prickly trail so hard to struggle and too intricate to cope up with making them too engrossed with their setbacks and heartaches that they become unmindful and overlook so many of the small paradigms of how great life and love is.

But the good thing is there are a lot of people out there too who set their own aspirations, outline their own course, spend time and energy not to only reach out these people but to carry others with them.. We can touch lives by insisting not to give hope for those who are in the threshold of their courage and faith or have lost their self worth, that life is beautiful and love is alive. We can change a life by a mere simple touch of kindness, courtesy and caring words. Life is to live to the fullest and love is not just to be taken but to be given too. These two most important things goes on and on... Often times it is uncommon to show love, compassion and kindness because it is much easier to concentrate on ourselves and our own little world than to spare a little time of these things for others. Words may be forgotten, deeds may be put into oblivion but people will never forget how you made them feel. It only takes a moment of love, benevolence, and understanding to touch and feel a heart... and see a life change.

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. Love life and life will love you back. Love people and they will love you back.

The Labyrinth of Suffering

“How will I ever get out of the labyrinth of suffering?”

The labyrinth is my conceit of life's unanswered questions causing suffering.

All my life, I keep trying to find the answers to the same questions over and over again. Why do good people have to go through the worst? Why do people leave? Why do we like to hurt so much? Is suffering a part of us?

And then life gives me a clearer view of the picture: that suffering isn't something inborn but rather acquired; that you must first define your labyrinth; that your perspective affects how you tackle it; that everyone has their own individual labyrinth, their own cause of suffering, the part of their soul that always stays dark even when everything else is alright.

I somehow realized that there will always be answers, we just have to be smart enough. We often go far searching, and amidst the journey, we lose ourselves entirely. What we desperate wanderers fail to comprehend is that the more we seek, the more we feel trapped for we get farther from where we are supposed to be. Answers don't necessary have to be in the form of answers, for a question is sometimes meant to be answered back by a question. We, humans, often deny ourselves the simplest pleasure of life - to be innately true, and that's when we label our queries unreplied. Every question has an answer, and every answer leads to another query, which implies that we sometimes either have to let go a few or learn to live with them. 

The only way out of this labyrinth is forgiveness and up. Forgive yourself; no matter how good is your best shot, some things will still be inevitably out of thy control. We are but human beings, bound to commit mistakes. We can choose either to get consumed by our own self in the labyrinth or to acknowledge that everyday we are offered another opportunity to everything. Because honestly, we play a major role in putting ourselves into this maze of suffering, then we disregard the fact that we are also the key that leads the way out. Forgive yourself. Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. This labyrinth is optional. Giving in and giving up is what truly makes you sink. There is no way out but up, so rise up, keep struggling.

And to tell you a secret, the only indicator of triumphantly escaping the labyrinth is the absence of "Why" in our lives. 

What is your labyrinth?

To the Hypocritical Whiners (of the victims of Yolanda)

Will you guys please stop hating PNoy? Instead of slapping him with his insufficiency, why don't we help him and fill in the lacuna? Before you blame PNoy, what have YOU done to help the victims? Try going to Tacloban & deliver aids to the deepest towns with impassable roads. Can you? Please, you don't have the right to criticize the dirty river if you haven't contributed to its cleansing. Yes, I am talking to the lucky pretentious mourners who might be reading this at this moment. Are you one of them?


Just this month of November, the Philippines was devastated by a super typhoon named "Haiyan", or nationally known as "Bagyong Yolanda". The super typhoon is said to be one of the strongest typhoons in history as it caused severe damages to unfortunate areas of the Philippines, taking away thousands of lives and homes. What's irritating me at this moment is the endless rants and complaints of my fellow Filipinos regarding the disaster's impact.


In my social networking accounts, not an hour will pass that I won't be able to read direct messages to our government /president saying how inefficient and inadequate they are/he is. It's really getting on my nerves, seeing messages like these from these people who haven't done anything exceptional other than tweeting and posting the rants. Seriously, I am not a supporter of President Noynoy Aquino, in fact I do notice that he can be inefficient at times just like other people, whether in position/power or not. (which is very humanly) Inspite of the fact that I don't fully like the president, I haven't closed my mind and my eyes to what is happening in my country, unlike these hypocrites, who continue to post their sentiments on sites.


The problem with us Filipinos is that we have the wrong idea of "solidarity". We Filipinos attain unity via agreement of actions and feelings towards pessimism and wrong, but seldom in optimism and right. As you can see, people at this moment are brought together, but what brings them together? Pessimism. Rants. Complaints. Wrong. But as soon as there comes optimism, everyone else divides.


My fellow Filipinos, let us all keep in mind that regardless of his efforts, some things will still be out of his control. He's not perfect as a president and he will never be and no one will ever be. He may give his all but it will still be not enough and it will never be enough. But we got to trust the prime official of this country because it's the best we can do for him. He is not taking care of tens or hundreds or thousands of lives. He has millions, or perhaps hundred millions of lives in his hands. Before you open your mouth, please, open your mind first: HE IS OFFERING HELP IN ALL POSSIBLE WAYS. If you don't like what you are seeing, then BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT. DON'T JUST WATCH AND WAIT. ACT.





I'm donating some stuffs, clothes, and food because this is the best I can do as of this moment. How about you? Is "that" the best you can do?

Time check: 1:19.

My head started to hurt like hell, so I decided to resume watching the movie "Perks of Being A Wallflower." Yeah, that sensational book you see on the shelves of the leading bookstores. Somehow, I cannot fall asleep as the film managed to provoke emotional disturbance.

Just like Charlie, I must admit that I have mastered the art of repressing. Thoughts, feelings, emotions -- you name it. It was just nice that it doesn't harm anyone around me. If there's one thing that dominates my "Repression Kingdom" that will be no other than the "need for genuine love and making decision with hearts'affairs" Unlike other girls, I would never be heard complaining on how I look, or how I don't have any boyfriend. I need a genuine love, not a boyfriend.

You know this feeling you get when you're just all alone or something/someone triggers your hopeless romantic side? Well, have you ever been in the stage wherein you have no idea whether you should trust or not? That, should you welcome in somebody "new" in your life or not? Well, I do. I hate to say this but I've been throwing out every chances given to me to be loved. I've been lying to myself that I am not "attached" to anyone. I just don't know how and who to trust anymore. I can't bear another heartbreak, whether it be romantic or not.

I always try to tell myself that not all people are the same, specifically the male species. Unfortunately, no one has proved me right yet.

Okay.

I'm scared.

Year 2018

5 years later..


A year has already passed since I graduated from college at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines. Back when I was young, I would always fantasize about studying the human mind and behavior and being capable of predicting the possible behaviors of an individual towards a given situation. I've almost taken B.S. Chemistry back then, but I am grateful that I chose the road less traveled instead - the path of a Psychology major.

I'm very passionate about abnormal psychology so I can therefore say that my forte is Clinical Psychology. Right after graduation, I started looking for jobs and jobs also looked for me. It was a good thing that I came from a university with a good reputation. Furthermore, I was able to receive my bachelor's degree with flying colors due to my perseverance and love for my chosen career. Three months later, I officially started my career as a teacher. It was not the usual teaching career, I taught special children. I love my first job because I am very fond of children.

Even at this point, I could still hear the all-time popular misconceptions about my course. Most people say that it will lead to nowhere. Some say it has no significance at all because it is inferior compared to other courses such as accountancy and engineering. My first job supported my belief that they were all wrong. It is very essential that one has polished and good social skills for you are always in front and with people. I earned a lot of patience during my stay in college because I've started accepting the truth that nobody is perfect. In my class, I must deal with several young people, and they are all far from the usual. They are gifted and unique.

I am already on my eighth month of teaching these wonderful children. I have already saved some money for a very important matter. I am planning to pursue a degree in law someday, very soon. I chose Psychology and Law as my combinations because the way I see it, awareness of the law is not enough to make justice prevail. A good lawyer must know how to look beyond what is seen and hear beyond what is heard, and Psychology provides both. I love people and I understand them, I want the best for the human race so I will be part of the change I dream of.

To quote Confucius, "Choose the job you love and you will never grow tired of it," I chose Psychology because I know I will get satisfied just by seeing people around me happy because I was able to help them. I earn fulfillment by helping. Seven years from now, I will be a forensic psychologist. I will keep on chasing my dreams for I live in spite of the things I fear most. 

It's been 5 years, and sky has always been the limit.

Si Ate Virgie

Wednesday na naman, ito na naman ang araw para sa paglalabas ko ng saloobin ko sa mga bagay-bagay. 

Last Saturday, naiwan akong mag-isa sa bahay namin kasi may pinuntahan si mama. Yung mga kapatid ko naman either nasa school dahil may groupings or nasa galaan. At ako, naiwan ako sa bahay dahil damang-dama ko parin yung hang-over ng paguwi ko ng 3AM ng madaling araw kagabi dahil sa Freshmen's Night. Aba, andun ata ang Tanya Markova at Silent Sanctuary kaya tinapos ko na. :)

Nahiga ako. Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata at pinilit kong matulog. Wala pang 10 minutes mula ng mahiga ako eh may kumakatok na sa pintuan namin. Hindi ko pinapansin. Sa isip ko, "Mapapagod din yan kumatok. Tiwala lang Jess. Tulog na!" Ilang minuto na lumipas, patuloy parin sa pagkatok. Until nagsalita na siya, kinakausap nung kumakatok yung sarili niya. The voice belongs to a woman. An old woman. She was saying, "Naku, ang galing ko naman.. Natatandaan ko parin bahay nila.. May tao kaya?" Dali-dali akong tumayo, nag-ayos ng kaunti at nilabas ko na yung kumakatok. I was surprised to see who it is -- si Ate Virgie.

*Flashbacks*

Si Ate Virgie. Bigla siyang nawala for almost 5 years. She's been there for  our family since time immemorial. Siya ang labandera, plantsadora, tagabantay, at kasama nila mama at tita kapag aalis noon. Simula nang magkaron ata ako ng isip eh nandun na siya, at matanda na rin. The woman has no family at all. Walang asawa, walang anak. Kung magsalita rin si ate, para siyang bata kasi putol-putol and words nya. Fragments. For example, ang tao kapag gutom sasabihin nyan ay "Gutom na gutom na ko! Anong pagkain?" pero si ate, sasabihin niya, "Ako gutom.. Gusto na kain.." Ganon. Kung bakit ganon, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko naman kasi siya kinakausap dati kahit noong naglalaba at namamalantsa pa siya samen. Ngitian lang. Bata pa naman kasi ako non, what do I know about social skills and all? Isa pang ala-ala ko sakanya eh mabisyo si ate Virgie. She wastes the money she earns from us in drinking liquours with men who just happen to use her. Hindi ko masisisi si ate, malungkot ang buhay mag-isa kaya nagagawa niya iyon.

Back to reality. So eto na. Pagkakita ko sakanya, nakaupo siya sa labas ng pinto namin. Nakatingin siya sa kawalan, kaya hindi niya ako napansin. Sabi ko, "Ate.." ayun, bigla siyang tumingin tapos ang laki ng ngiti niya sakin sabay sabing ang laki ko na raw at nasaan daw si mama. Sinagot ko naman lahat ng tanong niya, kaya lang nagpaalam muna ako na maliligo lang ako. Hindi ko muna siya pinapasok sa bahay kasi ang bilin ni mama, wag akong magpapasok ng kahit sino. Pagkatapos kong maligo, binilisan ko na magbihis para labasin si ate, kaso paglabas ko dun wala na. Sakto namang umuwi na 'yung kapatid kong 4th year high school. Nakita niya raw si ate, kaya ayun inutusan kong habulin niya. Maya-maya pa ay narito na sila sa bahay. This time, hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na papasukin si ate ng bahay. I forced Ate Virgie to come in and have her merienda with us. Tinapay lang daw ang gusto niya, kaya dali-dali akong nagpalaman para sakanya. Pinagsilbihin ko na parang magulang ko si ate nun. Magkatapat kami ng pwesto sa lamesa, kaya sinimulan ko nang kausapin siya,

Non-verbatim:

A:Ate, ba't ba bigla kang nawala? Naligo lang naman po ako eh.

Siya: Eh kasi tagal pa ata mama mo.. Kaya uwi ako.

A: Bakit po ba kayo napadalaw dito? Saan po kayo galing? Ang tagal niyong nawala, wala man lang paalam o balita sa amin.

S: Sinugod ako sa probinsya, nagkasakit kasi ako. Hirap may sakit, wala pa magaalaga sayo. Gusto ko lang kayo makita, makamusta.. Tuwa ako kasi talas pa ala-ala ko alala ko pa bahay nyo. Buti di ako ligaw..

A: *ngiti* Nagkasakit po kayo? Bakit?

S: Puso.. hirap la alaga. Hirap ng matanda na.. Ikaw laki mo na ah, may syota kana? Akala ko tapos na nga kayo magaral. *tawa*

A: Naku, wala po ako nyan ha. Bawal po yan. *tawa* Eh kayo po kasi wag nang uminom. Masama yun. Dapat po alagaan niyo sarili nyo. Ba't po ba wala kayong asawa't anak?

S: Meron ako syota dati.. namatay. Shabu. Di na ko nagasawa.. sayang. Ganda lalake, kaso shabu.. Laging nagshashabu.. *napatingin na naman sa kawalan* Hirap mag-isa.. sa awa ng Diyos kinakaya ko naman. Di na ko natatakot pag nasa bahay ako ng kaibigan ko.. magisa ako.

A: Bakit? asan po ba ang kaibigan mo? Sabi niyo sa bahay po niya kayo nakatira. Asan siya?

S: *ngumiti* Kaibigan ko.. aso ko. 

Durog na durog yung puso ko sa narinig kong yun. I can't imagine living her life. Napakahirap. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa nun kasi sobrang nadurog yung puso ko at nararamdaman kong gayon din siya. To lighten up the ambiance, nagpicture nalang kame ng nagpicture. That was the only time I had the initiative to take pictures with her ever since I met her. Bago siya umalis, pinabaunan ko siya ng mga pagkain. Pagkatapos, tinanong ko kung anong sasakyan niya pauwi. Nginitian niya ako sabay sabing, "ako di sakay, lakad lang hanggang bayan." Nakarating lang daw siya dito samin dahil nanghingi siya ng pamasahe. Aalis na dapat siya pero hinabol ko, at inabutan ko ng sobra sobrang pera para may pamasahe at panggastos siya. She kept on thanking me, and so she left with a smile on her face.

I realized, life's just too short to waste it on things that don't deserved to be noticed; to give a damn with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life. Ngayon bata ka pa, pero hindi mo mamamalayan ang bilis ng oras. Ngayon malinaw pa ang mata mo, maganda ang mukha't pangangatawan at buo pa ang ngipin, pero hindi mo mamamalayan lumalabo na ang mata mo, humihina na ang pangangatawan mo, kumukulubot na ang balat mo at nalalagasan ka na ng ilang mga ngipin. Ngayon kasama mo pa ang mahal mo, but who knows, maaari siyang mawala sayo mamaya o kinabukasan. Life's just a product of our reactions on matter of now and never. Kabataan, mapalad ka at nababasa mo 'to ngayon dahil nangangahulugan itong may maginhawa kang buhay para magbrowse ng magbrowse sa Internet hanggang sa napadpad ka sa blog na 'to. Tatlo lang naman ang rules ng buhay: Mabuhay ka, Magmahal ka, at Magpakasaya ka. Live your life to the fullest; love like you've never been hurt; and laugh until your jaws hurt. In that way, you will never have to include the "what-if" or the "should have" once you take a chance to look back. 

You only live once, but if you live your life right, once is more than enough.

The Diary of a Teenager

Caution: This is no work of art, nor a work of my magical fingers in writing. It's just my heart and mind.

So, I haven't slept yet. Last night, or should I say "a few hours ago", I was at my school's event until around 1 o'clock in the morning. Of course, I get to meet lots of people there, and I happen to finally meet someone I've been talking to for quite a long time alreadym and for the sake of clarity, let's call him by the name Von. We talked about almost everything, until the first song of Silent Sanctuary (hooray!) led it to another, which is, feelings and all. He asked if I have a boyfriend, and I said I had. I was surprised with that he said next.

Verbatim:

"Huwag ka munang magboy-friend. Mag-aral ka muna. Madali ka bang ma-fall?

Wala kang mapagkakatiwalaan dito.. so always, always guard your heart."

I have no idea why I felt a tinge of pain in my heart upon hearing that. Diretsahin natin, I'm somewhat feeling down that day (he has no idea that I do, and I sincerely wish that he would never have) pero hind yun yung talagang rason kung bakit nakaramdam ako ng kirot eh. You know that feeling you get when all of a sudden, everything and everyone that hurt you rushed into your  mind in an instant. Parang magsho-short circuit yung utak ko ng mga oras na 'yun. Pero binalewala ko muna, I want to smile for the rest of the night. So ayun, supposedly hindi na ako uuwe kasi gabi na nga, matutulog ako sa kaklase kong si Frances. But I cannot find myself sane enough to talk with anyone. I was hurting and I do not fully know why or even how.

So yeah, hinatid na ko ni Von hanggang sa sakayan. Nung mag-isa na ko sa bus, that's the time when I officially entertained every single thought.. I can still remember everything and everyone that broke my heart back then. It's kind of surprising because I never thought "someone" who barely knows anything about my past could make me feel nostalgic. Von doesn't know that I got hurt by my friends, that I got hurt by my ex, and that I got hurt just a week ago by some guy I went on a date with..

I realized on that particular time how hard it really is to be strong. In my circle of friends and also in my peer, they always look for me whenever they want to pour their heart out or whenever they need an advice. In short, ako ang absorber ng mga tao sa paligid ko. I absorb their fears, disappointments, frustrations, pain, joy and so on. Well, one time I tried to open up naman, sabi ko, "May problema ako" To my surprise, they all laughed and said, "Ikaw? May problema? Oh c'mon. Imposible!" Di ko alam kung matutuwa ako o masasaktan eh. Hahaha. I never really open up to anyone, I bottle my feelings and I feel fine. So for months, or even a year, I gathered different forms of pain from people I loved and never cried nor spoke a word about it. Parang wala lang, poker face lang, except for the fact that I smile. Trademark ko na yan eh, yung tumawa at ngumiti ng ngumiti. So yeah, I keep my problems, think or overthink about it and then conquer it. Imagine, gaano kahirap yung palitan mo ng magandang vibes yung problema mo? I do it, all the time. All by myself.

Pag-uwing pag-uwi ko, nahiga ako. This time, not only random thoughts invaded my mind but also the most  awkward/unusual questions. Like, am I not the beautiful, not that sexy, not that attractive, not that famous, not that talented, to be not liked? Can't someone guard my heart for me? Can't someone see that I am actually fragile and weak? Would it be fine if I somehow trust a little people? Would it be better if I stop evading boys who are interested in me? Maybe, the person I like likes me too but am I being subtle? Really, should I just pour my heart out, tonight? Or just ignore and conquer it as usual? Most of all, have I forgiven THEM already?

An hour later, I fell asleep. But everytime I wake up, the same things occupy my head. So, I decided to write everything. Nakakagulat kasi while I am writing this, pagaan ng pagaan yung pakiramdam ko as if someone made an effort to cheer me up. I realized that, sometimes, strength is found in admitting your weakness. That, being fearless is not the absence of fear of anything but living to the fullest in spite of the things that scare you to death. People never come and go in our lives, they just switch roles and it is intended for a very special reason. People hurt you to teach you, to help you and to shape you, for mostly, the most important lessons in life are learned best through pain. However, no matter how inevitable pain is, suffering is still optional. Don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself the time it deserves, as well as your little heart. Not everyone may not like or love you as much as you do, and no one is to blame. It is not the duty of the person you love to love you back, so just be happy that you felt the magical feeling of being inlove..

Lastly, grab the opportunities. Take the chances. Take the risk. The most painful heartaches are often caused by things unsaid and undone than things said and done.Forgive yourself and love again, you'll never be young as much as you are at this moment. These things are not just in romantic ways. These are the lessons in life and love.

All is well, heart, all is well.

The National Territory

 "The national territory comprises the Philippine archipelago, with all the islands and waters embraced therein, and all other territories over which the Philippines has sovereignty or jurisdiction, consisting of its terrestrial, fluvial and aerial domains, including its territorial sea, the seabed, the subsoil, the insular shelves, and other submarine areas. The waters around, between, and connecting the islands of the archipelago, regardless of their breadth and dimensions, form part of the internal waters of the Philippines."

In Article 1 Section 1 of the 1987 Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines provided that the national territory comprises of the Philippine archipelago and all the islands and waters embraced therein and all the territories over which the country has jurisdiction or sovereignty.

The definition and inclusion of the national territory in the 1987 Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines is clear and well-presented compared to the previous drafts. In the 1935 constitution, it made mention of the Treaty of Paris as basis, which some delegates find as a reminder of the indignity of the past. In 1973 constitution, it stated that "all the other territories belonging to the Philippines by historic right or legal title."  The 1987 Constituion straightforwardly stated what was, is and will be included in the territory of the Philippines. Moreover, it has a strong and appropriate basis of territorial claims, which is the Archipelagic Doctrine. The Philippines is an archipelago for it is surrounded and separated by large bodies of water. The Archipelagic Doctrine gives the right to determine straight baselines wherein the internal seas inside the baselines are considered as under the jurisdiction of the said country. This doctrine supports the consideration of the Philippines and its thousands of islands and seas as a political unit due to reasons of law, history, geography and so on.

Furthermore, the Philippines did not follow the traditional boundary of 3 nautical miles limitation in the primary directions (north, west, east and south) because this is not the appropriate basis in determining the boundaries of the country. The Philippines is an archipelago and the seas are vast. Again, Archipelagic Doctrine is a good basis for it says that the basis of boundaries of an archipelago should be the straight lines connected by parts in the outer islands. Without the Archipelagic Doctrine, the waters found in between the separate islands of the Philippines might be considered as part of the international seas. In this case, foreigners have the privilege to enter these waters and exploit the resources. The Article 1 of the 1987 Constitution is therefore clear and specific.

However, one might question its effectivity and scope. A law was passed dividing the Philippines into three regions (Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao), each constituting an independent state except on matters of foreign relations, national defense and national taxation, which are vested in the central government. Article 1 is violated in the way that it divided Philippines into three separate states.

I absolutely liked the article for it is very beneficial not only to me but to every Filipino. Upon reading, one is now fully aware of what the country and the people in it own. It is important that we understand the extent of our territory in order to avoid possible arguments with nearby countries, to protect their territory from conquerors and intruders, and to take care of our territory and resources. 

Today My Life Begins

June 17, 2013.

The most-awaited day finally came! Sobrang excited kong pumasok nito. 3:30AM palang, gumising na ko: naligo, kumain, nagpatuyo ng buhok, and iba pang seremonya ng isang babae. Lol. 5am, umalis na ko dito sa bahay. Si mama kasi mapilit, ipinasabay ako sa dating schoolmate ko sa Alma Mater ko (Cielito Zamora High School), si kuya Mark Fuentes, an upperclassman of AB Literature. Sobrang nakakahiyaaaaaaaa! Yeah, hiyang hiya ako. I was making up scenarios in my head na magiging boring or tahimik yung entire moment na magkasama kami. But he proved me wrong, dinaldal nya ako kaya ayon naging comfortable din ako little by little. He's my crush, back in my second year, pero he's not aware. 

So, sumakay na kami ng jeep. May nakasalubong kaming classmate niya ata, kaya tatlo na kaming magkasama. Nagulat lang ako kasi biglang nag-para si kuya Mark tapos bumaba sya ng jeep, mauna na raw ako. May nakalimutan pala siya. Naawa ako kasi mala-late na siya nun. :)

Pagdating ko sa SM Fairview, sumakay agad ako ng bus na Baclaran since dadaan din yun ng Cubao ibabaw. 5:30 na non. Grabe, 6am na nasa Fairview parin ako. Wagas na wagas yung traffic, parang hindi umuusad. 6:30, Commonwealth palang. 7:20, Kamuning palang. In short, LATE NA LATE NA LATE AKO. Habang naglalakad ako sa Teresa, may nilapitan akong babae kasi napansin ko yung uniform niya which is uniform ng Psychology. I asked her if she could accompany me in our room, good thing she said yes.

Pagdating sa West wing, 6th floor room 18..

7:30 am ang first class ko, 8:30 na ako nakapasok. Bukod sa traffic, naligaw ako. Lumagpas ako ng Altura, ay sos. 

*pasok room*

Ako: Goodmorning po ma'am.

Prof: Iha halika nga dito.

A: (kabado) po?

P: Anong oras ang time natin?

A: 7:30 po.

P: Ba't late ka? Babagsak ka sa subject ko pag ganyan. Taga-san ka ba? (medyo galit)

A: Ma'am, taga-Caloocan po..

P: (biglang nagbago yung mood) CALOOCAN? Ay sus! Mag-LRT ka iha. Kawawa ka naman. Next time agahan mo ang alis. Oh sige na hindi ako galit, maupo kana at ibaba mo na yang pasan-pasan mong bag.

Yeah, PERKS OF LIVING FAR AWAY. HAHAHAHA.Tuwang tuwa ako kasi nakaligtas ako dun. :) Umupo ako dun sa pinakadulo, sa tabi ni Frances. Blessing in disguise narin yun kasi malapit ako "sakanya." Ehem. And, napansin ako ng blockmates ko. Nakilala nila at namukhaan ako. Dahil late ako, wala akong gaanong naabutan sa first subject kaya konting oras lang yung tinagal ni ma'am dun. As soon as she leaves the room, may mga upperclassmen na pumasok sa room and they began introducing themselves and announcing eveeeeeeeerything about PUPPSA. 

While the upperclassmen were announcing..

Frances: Jess, kanina ko pang napapansin na tingin ng tingin sayo si *censored.*

Ako: Talaga? Kanina nga tagal nyang nakatingin.. medyo awkward. Idk. May dumi ba ko sa mukha?

Afterwards.. My new friends and I decided to try out at Peer. Okay naman yung peer, except for stage 2 wherein nakapartner ko yung isang blockmate ko na lalake na medyo.. hmm.. Haha. What's awkward is, the scene. Liligawan niya ako and kailangan mapasagot niya ako sa harap ng aking NANAY at ATE.

*GLIMPSE OF THE SCENE*

Siya:...Nang makita kita, nalove at first sight na ako. Pumayag kana please?

Ako: Bigyan mo muna ako ng tatlong dahilan para payagn kita. *pakipot mode on*

S: Kasi loyal ako. Kasi meron akong lakas ng loob para ligawan ka sa harap ng pamilya mo. Higit sa lahat.. kasi mahal kita at ikaw lang. 

A: *nganga*

Yeah goosebumpppps!!! Hahahaha. Lol. Inaasar kami nung peer na magdate na kami ni scene-mate. LOOOOOOOL. Anyway, nagproceed na kame sa stage 3. Dito naman binigyan ako ng situation wherein magde-decide ako. The situation is, I'll be having an exam that will save me from failing at my major subject (which SUPPOSEDLY is failed) at the same time, I am the most important person in a seminar. 

*glimpse*

Ako: Kapag yung seminar pinili ko, sira ang buhay ko. yung 2 decades na pag-aaral ko, another 3 decades of better living ang kapalit..

Kuya: Uh-huh, that's right.

A: Alright. I'll choose the exam.

K: Good choice, Jessmirah, good choice. Very good! Tama ka... (blah blah blah) Uhm, nagmamadali kaba? kwentuhan muna tayo ha. (kwento) It was nice meeting you Jess! (sabay akbay saken habang papunta kame sa lobby)

After nun, may nakasalubong akong babae na tinanong anong ginagawa namen ni "kuya" sa dulo. Sabay sabing "wag kang maniniwala sa mga sinasabe niya sayo ah, saka wag ka papabola. Hinaharot nya ko." HAHAHAHA. natawa nalang ako. Okaaaaay. Sobrang nakakatuwa kasi inantay pa ko ng new friends ko para maglunch. More than 10 kame, madami kame. 4 boys and the rest, puro girls na. So we headed to the gym, kaso walang prof. Kaya after an hour umuwe na kaming lahat, sabay kami ni Mark as usual. Nauna siyang bumaba since sa litex sya, ako bumaba sa SMF then dun na rin nagpagabi't nagpalamig.

And that, my friends, is my first day in college.

Capital Punishment: An Unconstitutional Form of Justice

Capital punishment, also known as death penalty is punishment by means of death. Since the early 1800s,, the death penalty was used for punishing. Death penalty has also been imposed for serious crimes such as treason, murder, rape, and kidnapping. It has also been widely used during the Medieval Period for crimes against the state and the church.

Many people oppose the death of penalty, mainly because for them it is cruel. On the other hand, others support for their belief that it prevents a person from committing a crime because it threatens one's life. However, criminologists have never really found any relationship between crime rate and the death penalty. 

The imposition and carrying out of the death penalty leads to endless appeals as it also requires additional procedures. Frankly, these appeals and procedures clog our court system. Justice may become limited and out of reach, and if that happens the court has then failed his duty - to not only assist a case, but also to seek justice.

It is unjust because it violates the Bill of Rights. In 1966, the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights was adopted by the United Nations General Assembly. Article 6.1 of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights states that "Every human being has the inherent right to life. This right shall be protected by law. No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his life." This punishment obviously transgresses the right of a man to live. No man has the right to take away the life of another man by any means or method. We are all covered by this law and no one is considered above nor below it. You are not above the law to take away a life nor below it to be deprived of life. We condemn them but aren't we doing the same? We are punishing a murderer with murder, doesn't it make us a murderer, too?

The court requires jury members. Some of the jury members are reluctant to convict if it means that they are putting someone to death. Therefore, the outcome may be unjust because the conscience cannot bear to take an individual's privilege to live. So from here, one might ask: Where's the justice? The verdict of a jury then becomes a matter of conscience and right -- 50% righteous, 50% conscientious.

As the capital punishment moves forward, the possibility that more innocent people might be put to death is strengthened. A normal citizen is aware that not all convictions are right. Advances in DNA technology in the recent years have exposed astonishing fallacies in the Illinois criminal justice system. Wrongful convictions, mistaken eyewitness identifications, and wrong suspects are profound errors in the midst of the process have deeply shaken people, including supreme supporters of the punishment. In fact, there were reportedly 13 people who have been released from the death row because the evidence proved that they have been wrongfully convicted. Aside from innocent citizens, mentally-ill patients are also at risk. It is highly unconstitutional for the state to sentence an individual to death who is actually mentally unstable.

At present, many people still believe that life in prison is a worse punishment. We all hate murderers, but take a moment to ponder on this question: if you were a criminal, would you rather be sentenced to death or be imprisoned for the rest of your life? Capital punishment kills immediately, while lifetime imprisonment does so slowly. Life in prison without parole is more harsh than death It also means lifetime humiliation and certainly people cannot stand this.

Most of all, the capital punishment does not help in the way that it doesn't bring the victim back to life. The only path to justice then is forgiveness and eventually, the scars will heal. They call it punishment, but the state is actually using murder to punish someone who committed murder, and that doesn't make any sense at all. It is barbaric for any country to murder their citizens, despite the crimes they may do. We condemn them for what they did but we do the same. A mistake can not be corrected by another mistake. Let us eliminate the revengeful idea of "an eye for an eye" in our system if we want to move forward. For if not, we may be stuck in the endless cycle of violence.

So tell me, why do we kill people who kill in order to show killing people is wrong?

Your Blood Type = Your Personality

There exists a common yet unfamiliar belief in Japan and other East Asian countries that a person's blood type or ketsueki-gata, as they call it. (血液型) is linked to his or her personality, temperament, and compatibility with others. This is highly similar to how other countries throughout the world use astrological signs. In Japan, one's blood type plays a much significant role in personality predictions than his zodiac sign.

In 1927, a Psychology professor in Tokyo Women's Teachers School, published a paper entitled "The Study of Temperament through Blood Type" in the journal Psychological Research. He is no other than Professor Furukawa Takeji who made thorough studies about the said belief in high school students. The belief gained popularity tremendously afterwards, and this is the reason behind the privilege given by Facebook to some East Asian users to include blood types in their profile.

So, are you interested to know "who you are" via your blood type?

The Dream Catcher

Type A

Type As may seem calm on the outside, but inside, you’re filled with anxiety and worry. You’re perfectionists and often shy and sensitive. Usually introverted, you’re stable and thoughtful. You make good listeners and are sensitive to color and your surroundings. You like to be fashionable and are up on the latest trends, but never flashy or gaudy. You like romantic settings and often shun reality for fantasy worlds. A is most compatible with A and AB in the love department. Common career choices: accountant, librarian, economist, writer, computer programmer, and gossip columnist.

The Optimist

Type B

You can be very goal-oriented and often complete the ambitious tasks set before you. Outgoing and very charming, you’re good at reading people and providing support. Though critical of appearance (but not your own), you aren’t picky and are unlikely to dwell over the little things. Type Bs are impulsive individualists who often create their own path in life. You are very strong and optimistic. B is most compatible with B and AB lovers. Common career choices: cook, hairdresser, military leader, talk show host, and journalist.

The Focused and Patient

Type AB

Not surprisingly, ABs can be quite dualistic, possessing both A and B traits. You may be shy and outgoing, and hesitant and confident. You often stand out from others, don’t like labels, and are nice and easy going. You are logical and determined to do things correctly. Usually trustworthy, you like to help others. You often speak in a serious manner. Your patience, concentration, and intelligence are admirable. AB can find a soul mate with any other blood type. Common career choices: bartender, lawyer, teacher, sales representative, and social worker.

The Leaders

Type O

Type O's are the social butterflies. Often popular and self-confident, you are very creative and always seem to be the center of attention. You make a good impression on people and you’re often quite attractive. Organized and determined, your stubbornness will help you reach your goals. You make good leaders. Lovewise, O is most compatible with O and AB. Common career choices: banker, politician, gambler, minister, investment broker, and pro athlete. Blood Type O - Tend to be loners or leaders and are intuitive, focused, self-reliant and daring. They handle stress better than other blood types and have strong immune systems, a well developed physique and a physically active nature.

Too bad, I do not know mine.

Tulong! Paano ba ako makakapili?

Who will you be?

Choosing the best and right course for you is a BIG DECISION as it can impact your future.

I am not saying that I am an expert when it comes to decision-making. In fact, I suck at making decisions. It's a very time-consuming task for me so I allot a day or two for decision-making, and fortunately, 95% of my choices were/are just right, for me.

So mga freshies, eto na mga tips at factors to consider ko para sa pagpili ng course! :)

1. Hilig or interest.

Gusto mo ba? Interesado ka? Kumbaga sa love, mahal mo ba?

For me, this is one of the most important questions to ponder. Choose the work you love and you will never grow tired of it. Kapag mahal mo ang ginagawa mo, napapadali, napapagaan, at hindi ka makakaramdam ng kapaguran. I strongly believe in that. Sa pagpili ng kurso, lagi mong iisipin kung ano yung mga bagay na nakakapukaw sa atensyon mo. Lagi mong isipin yung sarili mo, hindi yung gusto ng mga taong nasa paligid mo. Pero s'yempre, maraming exceptions, gaya ng financial problems and so on.

2. Kakayahan or aptitude. Kaya mo ba?

Now's the perfect time to assess your own capability. Yes, isang major factor to na dapat laging i-consider sa lahat ng bagay. Hindi lang dapat dahil gusto mo eh yun na. That's a big NO my dear. Baka gusto mong mag-take up ng Engineering course gayong alam mo sa sarili mo na mahina ka sa Math. This one of the main reasons why I gave up my dreams of becoming a Chemist. Hindi naman yun pure Chemistry, maraming Math yon at hindi ko sure kung kakayanin ko. Hindi sa sinasabi kong hadlang to pero maaring maging "dahilan" ito ng hindi inaasahang failure mo. Pwede kang mastress and ma-depress kapag hindi mo kinaya ang pakikipagsabayan sa mga taong "kering-keri" ang course na "pinili mo pero hindi ganoon ka-keri." Kung talaga namang mapilit ka at nais mong tahakin ang "di mo kaya," okay lang din yan. Everything can be learned, dagdagan lang ng dedication at kasipagan. Most of all: pray hard, it works. :)

3. What's in and out.

What I mean by this is the "times." Sa ngayon ba, anong patok at in-demand na course? When I was still young, Nursing is the most prominent course. Pero ngayon, Psychology, I.T. and others na ang patok sa market. Importante 'to. Practicality.

4. Money!

How much will I be needing for this course? How much will I invest? Iha at iho, h'wag natin masiyadong pahirapan parents natin lalo na kung 'di kaya dahil tayo/kayo rin ang mahihirapan kapag nag-stop kayo. Nakakaulungkot mang isipin pero money will dictate what course you can afford and cannot. Parang love lang 'yan, hindi sapat na "mahal" mo ang isa't isa, kasi hindi kayo bubuhayin ng pagmamahalan niyo. Kakalam at kakalam ang sikmura.

5. Are you ready for commitments?

Oh yes, commitments! Kung mag-AB Literature ka, handa ka bang maging almost-full-time-bookworm slash voracious reader? Bawat course ay may patutunguhan at may kaakibat na "obligasyon." Parang relationship lang yan. :>

6. Schedule

Kaya mo bang pumasok ng 6 times a week? Kaya mo bang umuwi ng ganitong oras? Eh pumasok ng ganitong oras? Your schedule depends on your course, of course. May mga course na may mas mahahabang oras kaysa sa iba, at mas madalas ang pasok. Once na mag-enroll ka sa course na napili mo, hindi ka pwedeng umangal sa ibibigay na sched sa'yo. Mas mahirap maging irregular no.

7. Feedbacks or reviews

Besides guidance counselors, family and friends, you may also want to ask other people for their opinions regarding the matter. You might also want to do a bit of research regarding your choices. Mahalaga 'to sa kadahilanang magkakaron ka ng background at overview sa napupusuan mong kurso. Makakatulong 'to in a way na marerealize mo ang mga bagay-bagay, like, "Ay! Ganon pala 'to. Kaya ko kaya? Hmm." Hindi ka naman siguro sasabak sa gera ng walang warm-up diba? :)

8. Career

May trabaho ba ko dito? Sulit ba ang tuition fees na ibinayad ko sa apat/lima/anim na taon ko sa kolehiyo? Higit sa lahat, gusto ko ba ang magiging trabaho ko pag natapos ko ito? Ito ang pinakamabigat na tanong na maeencounter mo during decision-making sa kukunin mong kurso. The easiest way to find out what course should you take is to ask yourself this: "What do I want to do in my life?" Kung gusto mong maglingkod sa kapwa, baguhin ang iyong mga nakikita in political terms, then go for Public Ad and Governance or PolSci. Siyempre, i-konsidera mo din yung magiging kinabukasan naman ng "bulsa" mo niyan. Practicality.

9. Significance

What I meant by the keyword "significance" is your "role" in the society. May mga tao kasing sapat nang makagraduate, makahanap ng trabaho at mamuhay ng tahimik. On the other hand, there are also human beings who reach the peak of their satisfaction by helping and improving the society they live in -- perfectly sums me. I chose Psychology over my other options because watching others improve through and with me will absolutely make me happy. Yun ang gusto ko sa buhay, makatulong. Ikaw, 'yun din ba? :)

Bottom line: We all have our own preferences in choosing a career. Iba't  iba ang hilig, kakayahan at pangarap natin sa buhay. Always keep in mind that whatever you pick, it will certainly influence or maybe, mold your future. So go for whatever makes you happy with the consideration of what makes the people that surround you happy. Ang pagpili ng kurso ay hindi lang pagpili ng propesyon, kung hindi pagpili rin kung "sino" ka. Mahalagang ang kursong pipiliin mo ay sakto sa pagkatao mo.

 Most of all, kapag pinasok mo na ang isang bagay, do not try to finish it. DO FINISH IT. 

We are but children.

We thought we are the middle of the cosmos, in fact long before we even gasp our first breath everyone is looking ahead of us. We captured your awareness. When we whimper everyone seems to come dashing. We coo and we chuckle then all of you start smiling. Everyone appreciates us. We are formidable during the time of total vulnerability. We are fussed over, calmed down, provided and every wish is granted. It was a stage of juvenile despotism. But this blissful state is not perpetual and we realized it with amazement. We are expected to learn everything. To walk, talk, tricks, including toilet discipline. As time goes by new demands arise. As we learn one skill we are ask to learn another and more. Then the world begins to be entangled by no-nos. Do'nts resound in the air. What happened to the glorious times when we could do anything we want? When we were constantly adored? Our hands are hit when we stretch them out to touch something forbidden. People frowned or shout at us because we are stubborn. Why? We had this love and adulation then suddenly it was gone and what are left are countless expectations and prohibitions. We need to stop playing because we need to obey. As we grow older, the world becomes scary with no guarantees. We are push onto the juncture of life without having the option to run through the line. The once adoring parents are now fearsome and redoubtable silhouettes after our back. Mom aborted our siblings. Dad becomes irresponsible. We are not even sure how life would supposed to turn out for us. Where have all the fun and bliss gone? The vows of the once indulgent parents? Listen to us. We want to feel significant. We are rejected and suppressed of the universal longing to be heard, to be loved and to be free. To be unbound against poverty,child labor,abuse and ignorance. We thought we are the center of your universe . . . but we are just CHILDREN.

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalm 127:3

An Incoming College Student's Dilemma

After high school, of course you're about to move to the next chapter of your life: the college life. But wait, have you decided what course are you going to take yet? I'm telling you, this will put you in the real "state of confusion." Source: My experience.

Bago ako makagraduate, buong-buo na yung desisyon ko na magiging Chemist ako, therefore BS Chemistry ang kukunin kong course. I have such intense passion for this branch of science. Kayang kaya ko siyang pag-aralan ng buong taon nang hindi nakakaramdam ng kahit kurot ng pagkainip. Pero ika nga nila, expect the unexpected. At eto, pagkagraduate ko napaisip ako: Chemistry nga ba talaga ang dapat kong kunin?Naalala ko si second choice. Before highschool introduced Chemistry to me, I've always dreamed of studying Psychology. Yes, Psychology is my first love. Madalas nakikipagdebate ako sa mga kaklase ko in terms of Psychology. I am very fond of studying the human behavior and mind, and just like Chemistry, it never bores me. Hindi nagtatapos sa Chemistry at Psychology ang options ko, nadagdagan pa yan. Meet my third choice: Political Science. I was influenced by a close friend who happen to be a year older than me. 

I spent the whole month of April and March thinking. Ano bang kukunin ko? Naman kasi, tatlong choices iba't ibang fields pa. So nagbawas ako, unang una: Chemistry. Kahit sobrang masakit to para sa'kin, inalis ko siya sa choices ko. I have to be practical and of course realistic. Kaya ko ba 'to? May maganda ba akong kinabukasan dito? Makakatulong ba ako dito? 

1. Kaya ko ang Chemistry, alam ko yun. 

2. Chemistry majors are absolutely guaranteed to have bright futures but not here. Wala akong planong umalis ng bansa. Pinagaaral ako ng gobyerno ng Pilipinas kaya nararapat lang na pagsilbihan ko rin ang bansa ko. Hindi matutumbasan ng pera yung saya na maglilingkod ka sa bansa mo.

3. Hindi sa sinasabi kong hindi ka makakatulong kapag ito ang pinili mong course, pero mamulat ka sa katotohanan. Kapag naging chemist ka, more on cosmetics, wines, researches, and non-medical products ang tiyak na pupuntahan at tututukan mo.

 Hindi ako sure kung anong pipiliin ko sa natitirang choices ko. Makakatulong ako kahit anong piliin ko sa dalawa. Gusto kong maging PolSci major kasi mahilig ako sa mga debate at lagi akong may pinaglalaban. Bagay yun sa pagkatao ko. Sabi kasi nila mas kailangan daw ng mundo yung ganitong mga tao, yung may lakas ng loob para manindigan. On the other hand, I want to be a Psychology major to understand everybody. At eto ang nagbigay-linaw sakin kung anong dapat kong piliin. Bigla kong naisip, masyado nang maraming nagsasalita hindi lang sa Pilipinas, pati narin sa buong mundo. Sabay-sabay silang nagmumungkahi bagamat iba't iba ang mga minumungkahi. I think what my country needs is someone who will listen.

Pero wala parin akong katiyakan hanggang sa pagpunta ko sa unibersidad na papasukan ko, hanggang sa pagpila ko, hanggang sa pagpunta ko sa administration office. Yung mga paa ko nalang ang pumili para sakin, dinala ako nito sa College of Social Sciences and Development para ma-interview.

Then voila! I am now officially a Psychology Student.

Eleksyon: DAPAT TAMA!

Yeah, I guess it's a little too late to post this one. I wrote this oratorical piece a month before my graduation day. Here is it:

To my well-respected judges, my beloved teachers, my fellow contenders, and to the trainers and visitors: a pleasant afternoon to all of you. I must say that I lack knowledge in Politics, but somehow, I hope that my presence and speech today will make a better place for me and my generation.

“A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided.” In other words, our decisions are the cause of our actions. In everything we do, decision-making is involved whether we like it or not. 

Do you ever wonder what Philippines will be like in the future? For sure, predicting the events are difficult, therefore it puts our deeds in the present at the top of priority for the actions of today has a great effect tomorrow. As our national hero, Dr. Jose P. Rizal has said, “Ang Kabataan and Pagasa ng Bayan”. As a youth, this principle should motivate us to take part in our society’s huge event that will affect us a lot – the upcoming General Elections 2013.

Voting is a matter of decision. In the most common sense, as said earlier, it is easy for an individual to choose if he knows what are his needs and desires. People can’t be blamed if they choose the politician with most promises of betterment. This is due to the trust that a group of people have given to this candidate who happen to be undeserving of trust. However, we must face the fact that we are the very first person to be blamed is ourselves in case the true colors of a politician is revealed. As voters, we are held liable for any circumstances after the election. So, may I ask you, how and to whom do you give your precious votes? Is he the person who puts his name to announce he is helping? Is he the person who enumerates his previous positions to justify his qualification on a higher position? I hope not. Because these people are often owners of broken promises; they end up forgetting all their pledges and just sit in an air-conditioned room, letting his subordinates do the job.

For the previous years, Philippines had a troubled economy and deteriorating morality and significance. These are some implications that during the years of deprivation, the Filipino citizens have failed to choose the right and effective leader. Yes, aside from being right, a leader must be effective as well. In order to achieve sustainable living, we need a leader to lead us to the right path, and the best way to produce a good leader is to use our ability to vote. During election, politicians do their best to get known and to be liked. They try to impress their market with their campaigns and promises once they get elected. But have we not heard enough of free housing, more jobs, improved education, better living and more promises? Aside from this, the thought that these promises will only take effect once they get elected is a fallacy.  Helping can’t be associated with having positions, therefore if a leader’s one and only intention is to help his country and not his self, then with or without political power he will eagerly do his duty.  The Philippines is a democratic country, wherein freedom in every area is felt. But my friends, democracy cannot be attained unless those who choose are prepared to choose wisely. Vote not according to the past achievements of the aspiring politicians; vote for their ideas on how to face challenges of the present as well as of the future.

We often hear how a single vote can make a difference, but do we really know how powerful our votes can be? According to Mr. Lyndon B. Johnson, “The vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men. ” I believe that voting is the first act of building a community as well as building a country.  A vote has the power to put an official out of his position if his people don’t like what is happening. Moreover, a vote has the power to put the appropriate person in position to lead the people.

Now, let me introduce to all of you the right person to be voted.

Ironically, those who make good political leader are often those who least persuade the people to vote them and do not seek power but have the authority conferred upon them by others. A good leader is someone who serves as an example of integrity and loyalty to the people he represents. He is someone with the courage to stand up for what is needed to be said yet brave enough to admit his mistakes. He is someone who can resist various temptations and lures of the politics, and most of all, he is someone willing to listen to the murmurs of the common people. Let us vote those who use their political powers to inspire and to motivate, and not those who use it to manipulate. In order to choose the right person to vote, we must look beyond what we see and listen to what is unsaid. The sight before our eyes may deceive us and so do the voices that we hear. Let principle be the guide in decision-making and regard not to the accomplishments and words of a man, but to his character.

To my fellow youth, we are indeed the hope of this land. I challenge you to deliver our motherland to the edge of success and prosperity rather pulling it to the mud of shame and poverty. Our choice lies in our everyday living, for our decisions from time-to-time daily will contribute to the final destination of the Philippines.

To the distinguished guests, to the teachers and trainers, to my fellow contenders and to the well-respected judges: The true essence of nationalism can not be found in the sweetness of words, nor can it be found in high ambitions. The true essence of nationalism lies within the causes of our perspiration. Going back in history, the Martial Law holds every right of the Filipinos. They cannot speak and act against the politician. The People Power that happened on February 25, 1986 ignited the nationalism of every Filipinos, and this is the start of liberty. Now, my fellow Filipinos, let us not waste what our ancestors have fought for. We must continue this struggle tomorrow and the day after and carry with us the dedication to choose the right leader for the Philippines to achieve better living onwards. Voting is one of the remarkable rights of Filipinos, so we better make good use of it. If a single vote can make a difference, what more billions of votes can do?

It is your input and participation in democracy. Democracy is a government by the people and for the people. Therefore if you don't like how your government is run, change it by voting.

I believe that voting is the first act of building a community as well as building a country. 

Turn to the next chapter of my life: COLLEGE

Yes, let's talk my way to College.

Fourth year high school - ang panahon para magmuni-muni kung anong kurso at pamantasan ang nais mong pasukin. Dapat maingat sa pagpili ng pamantasan, dahil ito ang tiyak na huhubog sa'yo para maging isang mabuting mamamayan. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, UP, PUP and FEU lang ang choices ko. Other than that, wala na.

I've always fantasized getting in to the most prominent university in the country, the University of the Philippines. So when I finally stepped into my fourth year in high school, I immediately downloaded and filled out the application form of the said university.I put "BS Chemistry" as my first choice, followed by "BS Psychology." Siyempre, I aimed for the Diliman campus. Other than that campus, wala na akong nilagay. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE, EVER.

So, UPCAT na. I took the test at the Institute of Mathematics, 11 AM. Sobrang kabado, kasi kitang-kita sa mga kasama ko na matatalino sila at mayayaman. There are even Koreans and certified geeks, pakapalan ng lens ng salamin, padamihan ng bitbit na reviewer, and so on. (Teka, pag nakasalamin, matalino agad? Diba pwedeng malabo lang ang mata?) Natapos ko naman yung exam ng buhay pa ko yet I FEEL SO DRAINED. Imagine, 5 hours and I was thinking thinking thinking. Plus I have to control my pee in order to make the most out of my time. Kaya pag-uwi ko, bagsak. Tulog na.

After the UPCAT, I also took the USTET and FEUCAT. Pasado ako sa dalawa, although mas nakakalungkot lang yung sa USTET. I failed in my first choice - BS Chemistry. I am qualified yet below the quota for that course. Imagine, I am considered "FAILED" in BS Chemistry when in fact I ranked 70 out of almost 30,000 examinees? That's definitely an ouch for my ego. Sana matalino ako sa Math. Haay.

17 days before the PUPCET, lumabas na yung results ng UPCAT. I failed again. Ang score-percentage ko in all areas are all 91% and above except Mathematics again, which is, 41%. That pulled me down to failure. What's even worse, is that I'm qualified in other UP campuses. So what made it worse? Remember, I did not put any second campus at all. Tsk.

I spent the day grieving over my failure. My hopes just vanished. But wait, there's still the PUPCET. The remaining 17 days were difficult. I buried my self into studying. Nagsisisi ako kasi bukod sa "errors" ko sa pag-fill out ng forms sa UPCAT, ay hindi ako nag-aral. Petiks, kumbaga.

The most awaited day finally came. Time-pressure, and easier siya than UPCAT. Not because of the questions, but because of the length of taking the tests. Guys, sa UPCAT kasi nakaka-drain masiyado. 5 hours straight kang magsasagot, no breaks. We are but humans. :) Ah, by the way, the PUPCET is more exciting too, thanks to the General Information! (my specialty)

"Time's up! Please watch out for the results to be announced on March 15, 2013."

Days passed.... March 15 na!

I typed in my name in the searched for the result, and here's what I saw:

LANDINGIN, JESSMIRAH L.  (Passer)

I almost cried seeing this. I passed the PUPCET, with a score of 138. :)

Turn to next page: COURSE: Which is which?

Civilized, at last!

Time check: 1:48 PM, May 30, 2013, Thursday.

So it's true, I've created my very own blog. SIBILISADO NA NGA AKO!

To start things, I'm Jess, an incoming college student this month of June. I was the editor-in-chief as well as editorial writer, the Red Cross Youth President, the Science Club President, the Salutatorian, the self-proclaimed Chemist, and the full-time bookworm back in high school. I loved reading and writing, yet I had no time (or should I say I'm a sloth) to make my very own blog and post all my writings. I am a young woman with very high ambitions. I embrace failure which backs me up to stand up again. I refuse to give up. I'm fearless.

I do believe that I will be, somehow, part of the change the world needs.