The Introvert

Dear God,


Hello! 2014 is just a few sleeps away. You know very well how my year went, right? I had a very rough start of 2013, but in the end, everything fell into awesomeness.


Father, I would like to thank You for all the blessings I have received throughout the year. Shall I enumerate them all? I graduated second best to our class, passed in the finest universities of my country, (UP, PUP, UST) and even got the chance to study in one of it, in sintang paaralan. I even passed my Math subject in the first semester. (You know how much I suck in Mathematics.) I met a lot of new people, people meant to pass and people meant to stay. I have been accepted to my dream journalism org. I learned to commute finally, too. And most of all, I met the guy who breathed life into my heart, brought me out of the shell, and made me want to be better.


Father, he's the world's coolest introvert, ever. I knew him via online, chatted for a while, and yeah, we have gotten to know each other a little too well. He's a graduating student of the university I'm studying at. He has a good heart, high hopes, interesting personality, and not to mention a good voice. He's amazing. He made me conquer fear in my heart, he made me open up. You know very much how hurt am I, right? You were there. But this man, wow. The Gift's line suits what I intend to tell, "You saved my heart from being broken apart. You gave your love away, and I am thankful everyday for the gift.."


Times are sometimes difficult for us. It's hard to be the one who always stays, and waits, right? He had hurt me; made me worry to the point of dying a thousand deaths; made me wait and almost let me go because of his insufficiencies and fears. We have our ups and downs, but I swear, I will never give up this man. God, I know I am not perfect and neither is he. I know I've made a lot of mistakes, but I do know that meeting him and feeling this is not part of it. I may not be his first, but I'm hoping I can be his last because surely, what I am feeling as of this moment is probably the most beautiful; best.


Please, grant me this chance. If You will let me, I promise, I will never hurt him. I will cherish him as much as I cherish myself. Let us have this chance, God.


Because Father, I love him. I really do. I can't unlove him and I don't want to unlove Kristian.


I am bound to him..


-----

To the introvert who holds my heart,


Hey, baby, how's everything? I haven't talked you pretty much lately.


I miss the long talks. Remember those hours of conversation? We'd even lose hours of sleep just to keep in touch. I miss the morning texts and late goodnight messages. I miss everything. I miss your voice. I miss your noisiness about us. I miss you, baby.. Geez, believe it or not, I am smiling as I type..


To tell you the truth, I was afraid. I was philophobic. I hated love. I hated men. I evaded every guy. I trusted only a few aside from my father. In spite of these, I felt perfectly fine depending and needing no one and nothing; attached to no one and nothing. Not until I knew you -- my only exception.


Sometimes, things are rough. It's hard to be always waiting for you, because I don't like waiting. It's hard to miss you and not knowing what to do. It's hard that you are out of my reach. I always die a thousand deaths whenever you don't talk to me. Some stuffs are hard for me, baby, because you know very well that I am an introvert too. But for you, my only exception, I tried and I will try. This is love, dear. You overlook his flaws because he means the world to you, and with all these flaws, you're gonna stay. No matter what, no matter how hard things will be.


If only you knew..


I want to be the girl who could always brighten up your day, even if she couldn't brighten her own. Is my smile still enough? I hope so.

I want to be the one you can pour your heart to whenever you're hurting, whenever you're sad, whenever life throws you reasons to frown. Whenever you need me, whenever you want to..

I want to be the one who hugs you when you are cold..

I want to be the girl you can talk to about everything.

I want to be the girl you would watch a movie with. Horror films, baby.

I want to hear you sing, always. Your voice sounds better than all my favorite songs put together. Have I told you that yet?

I want to be the girl you always tell things first, because it's the main indicator of love, right? You want them the first to know.

I want to be the girl you include in your dreams; the girl you take with you as you make your future.

I want to take care of you. I want to love you. With all my heart.

I want to stick around..


I'm thankful that He put you into my life. I will always be grateful for that. You are always in my prayers, dear. Hoping to be with you this January..


From the bottom of my hypothalamus, the seat of my emotions: I love you, Irving Kristian. Mahal na mahal kita.

Unconditionally.
Selflessly.
Always.

- J x

Please take a risk with me.