Year 2018

5 years later..


A year has already passed since I graduated from college at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines. Back when I was young, I would always fantasize about studying the human mind and behavior and being capable of predicting the possible behaviors of an individual towards a given situation. I've almost taken B.S. Chemistry back then, but I am grateful that I chose the road less traveled instead - the path of a Psychology major.

I'm very passionate about abnormal psychology so I can therefore say that my forte is Clinical Psychology. Right after graduation, I started looking for jobs and jobs also looked for me. It was a good thing that I came from a university with a good reputation. Furthermore, I was able to receive my bachelor's degree with flying colors due to my perseverance and love for my chosen career. Three months later, I officially started my career as a teacher. It was not the usual teaching career, I taught special children. I love my first job because I am very fond of children.

Even at this point, I could still hear the all-time popular misconceptions about my course. Most people say that it will lead to nowhere. Some say it has no significance at all because it is inferior compared to other courses such as accountancy and engineering. My first job supported my belief that they were all wrong. It is very essential that one has polished and good social skills for you are always in front and with people. I earned a lot of patience during my stay in college because I've started accepting the truth that nobody is perfect. In my class, I must deal with several young people, and they are all far from the usual. They are gifted and unique.

I am already on my eighth month of teaching these wonderful children. I have already saved some money for a very important matter. I am planning to pursue a degree in law someday, very soon. I chose Psychology and Law as my combinations because the way I see it, awareness of the law is not enough to make justice prevail. A good lawyer must know how to look beyond what is seen and hear beyond what is heard, and Psychology provides both. I love people and I understand them, I want the best for the human race so I will be part of the change I dream of.

To quote Confucius, "Choose the job you love and you will never grow tired of it," I chose Psychology because I know I will get satisfied just by seeing people around me happy because I was able to help them. I earn fulfillment by helping. Seven years from now, I will be a forensic psychologist. I will keep on chasing my dreams for I live in spite of the things I fear most. 

It's been 5 years, and sky has always been the limit.

Si Ate Virgie

Wednesday na naman, ito na naman ang araw para sa paglalabas ko ng saloobin ko sa mga bagay-bagay. 

Last Saturday, naiwan akong mag-isa sa bahay namin kasi may pinuntahan si mama. Yung mga kapatid ko naman either nasa school dahil may groupings or nasa galaan. At ako, naiwan ako sa bahay dahil damang-dama ko parin yung hang-over ng paguwi ko ng 3AM ng madaling araw kagabi dahil sa Freshmen's Night. Aba, andun ata ang Tanya Markova at Silent Sanctuary kaya tinapos ko na. :)

Nahiga ako. Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata at pinilit kong matulog. Wala pang 10 minutes mula ng mahiga ako eh may kumakatok na sa pintuan namin. Hindi ko pinapansin. Sa isip ko, "Mapapagod din yan kumatok. Tiwala lang Jess. Tulog na!" Ilang minuto na lumipas, patuloy parin sa pagkatok. Until nagsalita na siya, kinakausap nung kumakatok yung sarili niya. The voice belongs to a woman. An old woman. She was saying, "Naku, ang galing ko naman.. Natatandaan ko parin bahay nila.. May tao kaya?" Dali-dali akong tumayo, nag-ayos ng kaunti at nilabas ko na yung kumakatok. I was surprised to see who it is -- si Ate Virgie.

*Flashbacks*

Si Ate Virgie. Bigla siyang nawala for almost 5 years. She's been there for  our family since time immemorial. Siya ang labandera, plantsadora, tagabantay, at kasama nila mama at tita kapag aalis noon. Simula nang magkaron ata ako ng isip eh nandun na siya, at matanda na rin. The woman has no family at all. Walang asawa, walang anak. Kung magsalita rin si ate, para siyang bata kasi putol-putol and words nya. Fragments. For example, ang tao kapag gutom sasabihin nyan ay "Gutom na gutom na ko! Anong pagkain?" pero si ate, sasabihin niya, "Ako gutom.. Gusto na kain.." Ganon. Kung bakit ganon, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko naman kasi siya kinakausap dati kahit noong naglalaba at namamalantsa pa siya samen. Ngitian lang. Bata pa naman kasi ako non, what do I know about social skills and all? Isa pang ala-ala ko sakanya eh mabisyo si ate Virgie. She wastes the money she earns from us in drinking liquours with men who just happen to use her. Hindi ko masisisi si ate, malungkot ang buhay mag-isa kaya nagagawa niya iyon.

Back to reality. So eto na. Pagkakita ko sakanya, nakaupo siya sa labas ng pinto namin. Nakatingin siya sa kawalan, kaya hindi niya ako napansin. Sabi ko, "Ate.." ayun, bigla siyang tumingin tapos ang laki ng ngiti niya sakin sabay sabing ang laki ko na raw at nasaan daw si mama. Sinagot ko naman lahat ng tanong niya, kaya lang nagpaalam muna ako na maliligo lang ako. Hindi ko muna siya pinapasok sa bahay kasi ang bilin ni mama, wag akong magpapasok ng kahit sino. Pagkatapos kong maligo, binilisan ko na magbihis para labasin si ate, kaso paglabas ko dun wala na. Sakto namang umuwi na 'yung kapatid kong 4th year high school. Nakita niya raw si ate, kaya ayun inutusan kong habulin niya. Maya-maya pa ay narito na sila sa bahay. This time, hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip na papasukin si ate ng bahay. I forced Ate Virgie to come in and have her merienda with us. Tinapay lang daw ang gusto niya, kaya dali-dali akong nagpalaman para sakanya. Pinagsilbihin ko na parang magulang ko si ate nun. Magkatapat kami ng pwesto sa lamesa, kaya sinimulan ko nang kausapin siya,

Non-verbatim:

A:Ate, ba't ba bigla kang nawala? Naligo lang naman po ako eh.

Siya: Eh kasi tagal pa ata mama mo.. Kaya uwi ako.

A: Bakit po ba kayo napadalaw dito? Saan po kayo galing? Ang tagal niyong nawala, wala man lang paalam o balita sa amin.

S: Sinugod ako sa probinsya, nagkasakit kasi ako. Hirap may sakit, wala pa magaalaga sayo. Gusto ko lang kayo makita, makamusta.. Tuwa ako kasi talas pa ala-ala ko alala ko pa bahay nyo. Buti di ako ligaw..

A: *ngiti* Nagkasakit po kayo? Bakit?

S: Puso.. hirap la alaga. Hirap ng matanda na.. Ikaw laki mo na ah, may syota kana? Akala ko tapos na nga kayo magaral. *tawa*

A: Naku, wala po ako nyan ha. Bawal po yan. *tawa* Eh kayo po kasi wag nang uminom. Masama yun. Dapat po alagaan niyo sarili nyo. Ba't po ba wala kayong asawa't anak?

S: Meron ako syota dati.. namatay. Shabu. Di na ko nagasawa.. sayang. Ganda lalake, kaso shabu.. Laging nagshashabu.. *napatingin na naman sa kawalan* Hirap mag-isa.. sa awa ng Diyos kinakaya ko naman. Di na ko natatakot pag nasa bahay ako ng kaibigan ko.. magisa ako.

A: Bakit? asan po ba ang kaibigan mo? Sabi niyo sa bahay po niya kayo nakatira. Asan siya?

S: *ngumiti* Kaibigan ko.. aso ko. 

Durog na durog yung puso ko sa narinig kong yun. I can't imagine living her life. Napakahirap. Hindi na ako nakapagsalita pa nun kasi sobrang nadurog yung puso ko at nararamdaman kong gayon din siya. To lighten up the ambiance, nagpicture nalang kame ng nagpicture. That was the only time I had the initiative to take pictures with her ever since I met her. Bago siya umalis, pinabaunan ko siya ng mga pagkain. Pagkatapos, tinanong ko kung anong sasakyan niya pauwi. Nginitian niya ako sabay sabing, "ako di sakay, lakad lang hanggang bayan." Nakarating lang daw siya dito samin dahil nanghingi siya ng pamasahe. Aalis na dapat siya pero hinabol ko, at inabutan ko ng sobra sobrang pera para may pamasahe at panggastos siya. She kept on thanking me, and so she left with a smile on her face.

I realized, life's just too short to waste it on things that don't deserved to be noticed; to give a damn with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in your life. Ngayon bata ka pa, pero hindi mo mamamalayan ang bilis ng oras. Ngayon malinaw pa ang mata mo, maganda ang mukha't pangangatawan at buo pa ang ngipin, pero hindi mo mamamalayan lumalabo na ang mata mo, humihina na ang pangangatawan mo, kumukulubot na ang balat mo at nalalagasan ka na ng ilang mga ngipin. Ngayon kasama mo pa ang mahal mo, but who knows, maaari siyang mawala sayo mamaya o kinabukasan. Life's just a product of our reactions on matter of now and never. Kabataan, mapalad ka at nababasa mo 'to ngayon dahil nangangahulugan itong may maginhawa kang buhay para magbrowse ng magbrowse sa Internet hanggang sa napadpad ka sa blog na 'to. Tatlo lang naman ang rules ng buhay: Mabuhay ka, Magmahal ka, at Magpakasaya ka. Live your life to the fullest; love like you've never been hurt; and laugh until your jaws hurt. In that way, you will never have to include the "what-if" or the "should have" once you take a chance to look back. 

You only live once, but if you live your life right, once is more than enough.

The Diary of a Teenager

Caution: This is no work of art, nor a work of my magical fingers in writing. It's just my heart and mind.

So, I haven't slept yet. Last night, or should I say "a few hours ago", I was at my school's event until around 1 o'clock in the morning. Of course, I get to meet lots of people there, and I happen to finally meet someone I've been talking to for quite a long time alreadym and for the sake of clarity, let's call him by the name Von. We talked about almost everything, until the first song of Silent Sanctuary (hooray!) led it to another, which is, feelings and all. He asked if I have a boyfriend, and I said I had. I was surprised with that he said next.

Verbatim:

"Huwag ka munang magboy-friend. Mag-aral ka muna. Madali ka bang ma-fall?

Wala kang mapagkakatiwalaan dito.. so always, always guard your heart."

I have no idea why I felt a tinge of pain in my heart upon hearing that. Diretsahin natin, I'm somewhat feeling down that day (he has no idea that I do, and I sincerely wish that he would never have) pero hind yun yung talagang rason kung bakit nakaramdam ako ng kirot eh. You know that feeling you get when all of a sudden, everything and everyone that hurt you rushed into your  mind in an instant. Parang magsho-short circuit yung utak ko ng mga oras na 'yun. Pero binalewala ko muna, I want to smile for the rest of the night. So ayun, supposedly hindi na ako uuwe kasi gabi na nga, matutulog ako sa kaklase kong si Frances. But I cannot find myself sane enough to talk with anyone. I was hurting and I do not fully know why or even how.

So yeah, hinatid na ko ni Von hanggang sa sakayan. Nung mag-isa na ko sa bus, that's the time when I officially entertained every single thought.. I can still remember everything and everyone that broke my heart back then. It's kind of surprising because I never thought "someone" who barely knows anything about my past could make me feel nostalgic. Von doesn't know that I got hurt by my friends, that I got hurt by my ex, and that I got hurt just a week ago by some guy I went on a date with..

I realized on that particular time how hard it really is to be strong. In my circle of friends and also in my peer, they always look for me whenever they want to pour their heart out or whenever they need an advice. In short, ako ang absorber ng mga tao sa paligid ko. I absorb their fears, disappointments, frustrations, pain, joy and so on. Well, one time I tried to open up naman, sabi ko, "May problema ako" To my surprise, they all laughed and said, "Ikaw? May problema? Oh c'mon. Imposible!" Di ko alam kung matutuwa ako o masasaktan eh. Hahaha. I never really open up to anyone, I bottle my feelings and I feel fine. So for months, or even a year, I gathered different forms of pain from people I loved and never cried nor spoke a word about it. Parang wala lang, poker face lang, except for the fact that I smile. Trademark ko na yan eh, yung tumawa at ngumiti ng ngumiti. So yeah, I keep my problems, think or overthink about it and then conquer it. Imagine, gaano kahirap yung palitan mo ng magandang vibes yung problema mo? I do it, all the time. All by myself.

Pag-uwing pag-uwi ko, nahiga ako. This time, not only random thoughts invaded my mind but also the most  awkward/unusual questions. Like, am I not the beautiful, not that sexy, not that attractive, not that famous, not that talented, to be not liked? Can't someone guard my heart for me? Can't someone see that I am actually fragile and weak? Would it be fine if I somehow trust a little people? Would it be better if I stop evading boys who are interested in me? Maybe, the person I like likes me too but am I being subtle? Really, should I just pour my heart out, tonight? Or just ignore and conquer it as usual? Most of all, have I forgiven THEM already?

An hour later, I fell asleep. But everytime I wake up, the same things occupy my head. So, I decided to write everything. Nakakagulat kasi while I am writing this, pagaan ng pagaan yung pakiramdam ko as if someone made an effort to cheer me up. I realized that, sometimes, strength is found in admitting your weakness. That, being fearless is not the absence of fear of anything but living to the fullest in spite of the things that scare you to death. People never come and go in our lives, they just switch roles and it is intended for a very special reason. People hurt you to teach you, to help you and to shape you, for mostly, the most important lessons in life are learned best through pain. However, no matter how inevitable pain is, suffering is still optional. Don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself the time it deserves, as well as your little heart. Not everyone may not like or love you as much as you do, and no one is to blame. It is not the duty of the person you love to love you back, so just be happy that you felt the magical feeling of being inlove..

Lastly, grab the opportunities. Take the chances. Take the risk. The most painful heartaches are often caused by things unsaid and undone than things said and done.Forgive yourself and love again, you'll never be young as much as you are at this moment. These things are not just in romantic ways. These are the lessons in life and love.

All is well, heart, all is well.

The National Territory

 "The national territory comprises the Philippine archipelago, with all the islands and waters embraced therein, and all other territories over which the Philippines has sovereignty or jurisdiction, consisting of its terrestrial, fluvial and aerial domains, including its territorial sea, the seabed, the subsoil, the insular shelves, and other submarine areas. The waters around, between, and connecting the islands of the archipelago, regardless of their breadth and dimensions, form part of the internal waters of the Philippines."

In Article 1 Section 1 of the 1987 Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines provided that the national territory comprises of the Philippine archipelago and all the islands and waters embraced therein and all the territories over which the country has jurisdiction or sovereignty.

The definition and inclusion of the national territory in the 1987 Constitution of the Republic of the Philippines is clear and well-presented compared to the previous drafts. In the 1935 constitution, it made mention of the Treaty of Paris as basis, which some delegates find as a reminder of the indignity of the past. In 1973 constitution, it stated that "all the other territories belonging to the Philippines by historic right or legal title."  The 1987 Constituion straightforwardly stated what was, is and will be included in the territory of the Philippines. Moreover, it has a strong and appropriate basis of territorial claims, which is the Archipelagic Doctrine. The Philippines is an archipelago for it is surrounded and separated by large bodies of water. The Archipelagic Doctrine gives the right to determine straight baselines wherein the internal seas inside the baselines are considered as under the jurisdiction of the said country. This doctrine supports the consideration of the Philippines and its thousands of islands and seas as a political unit due to reasons of law, history, geography and so on.

Furthermore, the Philippines did not follow the traditional boundary of 3 nautical miles limitation in the primary directions (north, west, east and south) because this is not the appropriate basis in determining the boundaries of the country. The Philippines is an archipelago and the seas are vast. Again, Archipelagic Doctrine is a good basis for it says that the basis of boundaries of an archipelago should be the straight lines connected by parts in the outer islands. Without the Archipelagic Doctrine, the waters found in between the separate islands of the Philippines might be considered as part of the international seas. In this case, foreigners have the privilege to enter these waters and exploit the resources. The Article 1 of the 1987 Constitution is therefore clear and specific.

However, one might question its effectivity and scope. A law was passed dividing the Philippines into three regions (Luzon, Visayas, and Mindanao), each constituting an independent state except on matters of foreign relations, national defense and national taxation, which are vested in the central government. Article 1 is violated in the way that it divided Philippines into three separate states.

I absolutely liked the article for it is very beneficial not only to me but to every Filipino. Upon reading, one is now fully aware of what the country and the people in it own. It is important that we understand the extent of our territory in order to avoid possible arguments with nearby countries, to protect their territory from conquerors and intruders, and to take care of our territory and resources.